The Dreaded Birthday Song!!!

'All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts...' ~Shakespeare
Whether it is a table of college girls, a family or a couple-when the server is informed of a birthday at their table a small amount of disappointment washes over them. This is not a personal attack on the birthday person, but more an expression of the ridiculousness chain restaurants have bestowed upon their staff-and the staff must execute it in a big way.
The staff member is then responsible for making the free dessert, organizing the other unwilling servers to help (the phrase 'herding cats' comes to mind) and doing it in a timely fashion as not to take too long or have the other tables' service suffer. This process can become an intricate dance. On top of it all, the tip is rarely affected by this activity-the guest expects it as they do toilet paper in the bathroom.

While I've never seen a tip exponentially increased for an effective birthday song, I have seen them diminished for a poorly executed one.
Here are my examples of bad birthday song executions and how they should be done.
1. The song is sung quietly. The birthday song does not need to be screamed, but a healthy volume is required. Think: expressing frustration at a sporting event loud. Think: New Yorker loud. It pains me to relay this point to a new server and then have them whisper the song. The server has just made a bigger ass out of themselves (and all those co-workers helping) than had they just done it right and gotten it over with. Now, they stand a risk of having their tip impacted as well...remember from my last entries: never give them an excuse to give a bad tip.
2. Too few people singing. The number of people helping should be in direct relation to how busy the restaurant is. If the restaurant is packed, you should be able to swing around seven staff to help. If the restaurant is slow, four (including yourself) is a reasonable number. I would never go fewer than four, three looks awkward and pathetic. The point is to make an impression-not make the person look as lame at your trio of co-singers. Also, if the establishment requires you to do this activity, it is then the responsibility of the entire staff-including the kitchen staff. You come up short on bodies (again, this usually only happens when staff is cut down and its slow), you start pulling from the kitchen. Its just as much their responsibility for good service as yours. Plus, its good for the kitchen to see the public faces every now and again-remind them who they're cooking for. If this is an issue, it should be brought up with the highest manager you have in your store. Plead your case, and he'll fall in line.
3. Not preceding the song with an announcement. Guests, whether its their birthday or not, are aware that restaurant establishments perform for birthdays. Some guests even enjoy temporarily excusing themselves from their own dinner to participate in the clapping and singing for a moment. This festive environment is what most people are looking for when going out to eat. I find the regimented clapping until reaching the table most effective, some people like to hoot and holler as well, so be it! Dont forget, working in a restaurant is the activity of constantly hosting a party.
I enjoy the grand announcement: 'Attention (Insert restaurant name here) guest! We have a special guest here tonight, (Insert guest's name here) is celebrating his birthday this evening! Join me in giving him a round of applause!'...or something like that. And yes, I always get their name and WRITE IT DOWN! Lots of things can happen from that moment-please do not say the wrong name too! On occasion, you will receive a name that may be hard to pronounce. I recommend writing it phonetically-that way you're not stumbling over it when you have all those eyes on you.
Now its time for my BIGGEST pet peeve!
4. Having another server take charge of the song for YOUR table! I used to have staff try and pull this one by me before and it was always the same two types of people: I'm too cool to do this. OR I'm too shy to do this.
In regards to Mr. Cool-you're a server in a chain restaurant. You're not cool and actually you look really stupid to your table who is trying to figure out why their server is not taking lead on this. Typically Mr. Cool is too cool to roll silverware, too cool to cut lemons and from my manager's perspective-too cool to get the good sections. If you are unwilling to do the work, you do not get the reward. Have fun in two-top land where I will be keeping you until you decide you're ready to play ball.
In regard to Miss Shy-usually this really just takes some practice and a pep talk. These people can be pretty easy to convert over to the noisy, dark-side. I had one girl who didn't think she clapped loud enough so we got a tambourine for the restaurant and for some reason that made her voice louder too! I had another person who just needed a little more practice with the wording...shy people are typically not confident because they are not certain of what they're doing. Once they become certain-they're unstoppable!
On a side note: I didn't mind doing the birthday song. Sometimes it was an excuse to yell in the restaurant and blow off some steam (in a productive way) on a bad night. Sometimes it was a desperate last act to try to increase a tip on a table that everything seemed to be going wrong at. Sometimes is was just jacked-up at work and it complemented the energy. Either way, its not a bad thing, its not going to kill you and even if your buddies from high-school are sitting at the next table-it only gives you more of a reason to do it bigger and better. I'd rather look like a talented fool than just a fool.